I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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