We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
