All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
