So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well you can't waste a boner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
