let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
