yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
