This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
