I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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