at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
