Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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