i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
