can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
