Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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