I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
