You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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