i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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