I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
