Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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