she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
