Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
