the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
