I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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