Moan for me like Helen Keller
my vag is so smooth its legendary
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
