Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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