i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
