I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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