Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize