How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
