I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
