I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
