apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
