Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
