I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
