All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
