We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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