??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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