i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize