he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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