i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
