im about as happy as oj after his trial
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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