It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
