My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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