Your mouth is God's brothel.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
