Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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