We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
