He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize