so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize