It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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