I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
