A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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