i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
