I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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