I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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