make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize