I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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