actually, I'm a sock model
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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