I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
