My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
